Ramblings
Ah. The ramblings. This is in the spirit of Jack Handey's "Deep Thoughts". A bit he used to do on SNL, or something like that anyway. These probably won't be as good as his, in which case you should leave right away (over my dead body, you jackass). Well, do enjoy. And go screw yourself.
One day, I was looking up at the blue sky, and could think of nothing but my first failed attempt at birth. The child was blue, mishapen, and beared no resemblence to that of a human being. What a wonderful thing this life is, that something so blue and wrought with dementia could have developped into a wonderous living human. That's when I realized that blue toothpaste is not an effective oral contraceptive.
A wise man once said to me,
"Look not into the sky for your answers, but look into yourself, and all will be revealed."
After I was rushed to the hospital I concluded that this man must have been filled with shit.
Think not what your country can do for you, but what my erection can do to your daughter.
One day they will find a cure for cancer and the tabacco companies will fluorish, not because their costumers won't be dying and they'll be around to buy more of their product. No. But because the fierce Tabaccula will be released from the catacombs and will sniff out the first born of every consumer, which will be exchanged for gold...and spices.